Honor Your Emotions

Part One:. Breaking Family Karma
Holding in Emotions and being the emotional hostage.

Modern culture is turning our power off.

We are cut off from how we really feel. We are stuck in the small mass-produced box, but the real world is bigger than that, much much bigger.

Use your senses - they'll uncage you.

In our predominant culture, being emotional gets a bad name, as if it makes you less capable, reliable or desirable once you feel your feeling. We translate being emotional to overly dramatic or temperamental.

The truth is that emotions themselves are not a burden – they are energy that ebbs and flows like the seasons and ocean and many others things that are completely natural.

The problem only occurs when we bury, oppress, or deny our emotions; those blocked, stagnant, neglected waves will haunt us in unexpected manners – just because we choose not to engage with our feelings, it does not mean that they were not there…

“One thing in life you can’t hide- is when you’re crippled inside”
~ John Lennon

Honor your emotions

I too used to think that being available to my emotions made me become less useful, less valuable, less cool, so my solution was to ignore them.

Back in my church days, time was an ultra-rare commodity and I believed that I didn’t deserve the space and tenderness to get in touch with my emotions.

I struggled a lot to be in tune with my true feeling underneath the bright shining career and social life.

Any sensation or sentiment that was uncomfortable or foreign, I’d brush it away immediately and easily.

So easily that I was numb for a long time.

Except one night, out of the blue, when everything hit me. I still remember that night vividly, after a regular day, all of a sudden, the turbulence, the swirl of energy, the anger, the confusion, and resentment, inside my tired body, was craving and demanding for my attention, intensely. It was excruciating.

I did not know how to direct or work with my emotions. I was so afraid that I’d do something compulsive and regrettable.

I wasn’t sure what to do and wondered who I could call for help. But everyone I hung out with back then seemed out of touch with their own emotions too, not to mention that I did not want to become a burden or scare anyone off.

I had no idea how to face myself in those moments so I was stuck on my sofa for the entire night. Gradually, as the sky turned bright, my intense dreadfulness calmed down and I no longer panicked.

I wished that I could just cry and let it all out, but I didn’t even know how to allow my tears out either!

Years of programming of “be strong”, “in control”, “be tough” meant I lost my ability to simply cry even when it felt good…

My instinct dragged me to the kitchen. I picked up an onion – chop, chop, chop – as the layer went off, tears also flew out with buried feelings busting out:

Months of uphill struggle living in China, grief, and sadness over a few issues back in the states friends, the guilt of leaving my children, the illness of my sister, anger and helplessness of being colored female in a foreign culture…

As the emotion streams opened up, compassion gently filled up in my being: I was just doing my very best in the given circumstances, yet I never appreciated my effort or acknowledged my devotion.

I began to see that all those overwhelming emotions were merely a by-product or response from the conflicts between the external conditions and my inner desire to live well. I was afraid of my own feelings because my inner-critic was too loud and strong.

And like that, my feelings were not monsters to be kept in the closet anymore but a shining map for my wellbeing.

I no longer rejected myself, instead, I was graced by inner-peace and self-acceptance.

The following night, after many months for the first time, I slept like a baby. Looking back, that was one of my first unintentional DIY detoxes.

From that experience, I understood how healing appropriate tears can be, how necessary and powerful emotions are – and how embracing and celebrating the full range of them can be liberating.

We cannot numb ourselves into Divine Feminine.

Emotions are our friends/guides, not enemies.

Accepting your anger, frustration, rage, disappointment, hurt, pain, sadness, as they are, so that energies will not stagnant, accumulate or boil.

Instead, energies will move and you can graciously move on.
If we suppress our emotions, ironically we are giving our power to emotions rather than using them to navigate our happiness.

Are you receptive towards your emotions?

Or are you running away from them, suppressing them or judging them?

Although emotions can be raw and big, by acknowledging them, we are less likely to make a drama out of it.

Instead of lashing out, we can accept that we are hurt and say, “I am sure you didn’t do it deliberately, but I am hurt by _____ (what they said/did). I need your help to get back on track. Can you please be here for me?”

Instead of getting resentful that our needs are not met, we can calmly point out, “I love you. But I need some time for myself right now. Let me be recharged so that I can be fully present with you as you deserve.”

Instead of completely shutting down and close our heart to the world, we can admit that sometimes life is just messy, difficult, or strangely sucks.

We can let our truth out through our creative outlets.

We can take responsibility and correct our mistakes.

We can forgive and adjust ourselves.

We can mine gold from our hardships.

We can reinvent ourselves and wear hope and openness all over again.

Honoring our emotions does not mean to dump them onto others, but being 100% honest with ourselves – “what is not working? What does my subconscious want me to know?”

It is nothing shameful to feel our feelings, in fact, it is wise to allow them to point out what is off in our life and navigate our path.

Our path is not a straight line, and being headstrong alone will not get us home.

This is the first of my series about breaking Family Karma. Let me know your comments.

If you still struggle with feeling your emotions, schedule a free session with me to uncover what it is really about. 

Just click here to get started today.