The Journey to Self Discovery

Trauma generates emotions, and unless we process these emotions at the time the trauma occurs, they become stuck in our mind and body. Instead of healing from the wounding event, the trauma stays in our body as energy in our unconscious, affecting our life until we uncover it and process it out.  The healthy flow and processing of distressing emotions, such as anger, sadness, shame, and fear, is essential to healing from childhood trauma as an adult.  The healthiest response to childhood emotional wounds is also the rarest: When the trauma first occurs, we recognize the violation it has caused to our sense of self, feel the natural emotions that follow, and then realize that the violation doesn’t say anything about us personally — and thus we don’t make negative meaning of it and can let it go. But because emotions like anger and sadness are painful — and because crying or confronting others is often not socially acceptable — this proc...

For much of my life, I was a people pleaser. I tried to please my parents, bending to their expectations and hiding parts of myself to fit their vision of who I should be. I tried to please my siblings, quietly accepting roles that didn’t reflect my truth, just to keep harmony in the family. I was kind to a fault, always putting others first, even when it meant sacrificing my own happiness and well-being. I thought kindness would make me lovable. I thought if I gave enough of myself, people would value me, care for me, and protect me. But instead of finding safety and love, I lost myself. I tried desperately to fit into the box others constructed around me, but the truth is, I was never meant to fit. I was always too big, too bold, and too complex to be contained by anyone else’s expectations. Yet, I allowed myself to shrink, to contort into shapes that weren’t natural, just to avoid conflict or disappointment. My need to please others started early. When I was abused at the tende...