Hiding Money under my Mattress

Today I was going over my morning affirmations and one particular affirmation and after I said it, it triggered a memory.

The affirmation was "All the money I could possibly want pours into my life daily." 

I want you to pay close attention to the symbolism in this truth. It has always been stirring in me and on reflection until now inhibited most of my financial success.


When I repeated the affirmation, I was quickly reminded and actually transported back to my childhood of age 9 years old. I remember coming from "the basement" of where my perpetrator would violate me and after getting up and feeling dazed, he would:"hand" me a few dollars. I remembered thinking "why?"  

I would take it from him, then go upstairs to the bathroom and shower along with "the money". As I washed, I also scrubbed myself with Brillo until I was red, but I washed the money gently until it looked new.  

After I got out of the shower, I remember being scared to take that journey which was only 10 steps to my room, because at any given moment I could be called to be "special" again. But most of the time, I was safe in my room.  

After getting to my room, I'd get dressed in bright colored clothes and I would iron the money dry until it was straight and perfect. It had a special place under my mattress, never to be spent. It cost me my childhood happiness and my adult relationships. I slept on my blood money.

I wanted to share this experience because this was one of my sabotage patterns. I found not just one but a few things in order to change my bad habits so that my past is not reflected any longer in my relationship with money.

Finding your sabotage pattern and the ONE THING you need to do in order to protect yourself from this bad habit so you don’t wipe out or not have financial progress.

Moving forward to the present day, I now see how my mouth may say one thing, my mind agrees to another and my body acts another way altogether.  All those have to agree if we want the Universe to respond in kind to what you want and desire.  

You ever notice how most financial advice is geared toward robots with superhuman willpower?  Like saying "All you need is more discipline and magically your finances will work for you!"  I say that to say, the unbalance is real.

For many years, I set goals, created plans, and agonized over every dollar spent, but income always capped. Why? My money issues weren’t due to lack of self-control, but my agreement that  "the love of money was the root of all evil". I believed my evil would catch up to me and I would be like my perpetrator if money was my focus. It was an agreement I could afford.  Your story may be different. 

There’s no “one-size-fits-all” approach to resolving everyone’s financial problems.

YOU must understand your financial personality in order to control your financial destiny, or your unconscious tendencies will get in the way.

Chances are if you’re an adventure-seeker, you’re not driven by fear, so even debt isn’t that scary to you ... until it grows. Or, if you’re a caretaker, and someone you love asks you for a loan, how can you not give it to them?  Get it?  I was the family producer.  And throughout my adult life, I made choices that put me into that position with business, friends, family and love.  

Money relations are made up of different financial personality types. When you understand your trauma has a lot to do with your Money Relations, you’ll have this incredible sense of 

• Relief
• Power
• Excitement about saving
• Awareness to avoid damaging habits

This is what I have to share with you today. Just think from a simple affirmation, my spirit responded in truth to reveal what my true feelings were so that my mind would be clear, my heart will be at comfort then my body would act according to what my words were.  

Remembering negative self-talk words like: "money is the root of all evil" “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” “You have to work hard to make money.” “You can’t make money unless you get a good job.” Many of us have grown up hearing these, but have never gotten to question them. Sadly, exposure to those mentalities when we’re young has a lasting effect, creating an internal struggle when we are looking to create more wealth and abundance for ourselves because it influences the value we place on money. To overcome your limiting beliefs about money, you must begin to develop what I refer to as a “Money Mindset”. This means that you understand your thoughts and feelings about money, discover where they came from, and how you can change them for the better. Here are some common limiting beliefs that many of you may be able to relate to: Money as a Crutch – When you tell yourself that you want something but that you “can’t afford it”, you use money as the excuse for not fulfilling your true desire. Many times, what you really want to create in your life is on the other side and you must problem-solve your way to being able to afford it. For example, you may need to hire a new business coach and it feels like a stretch for you, so the first thing that comes to mind is “no way can I do that, that is way too much.”  DO THIS: Develop a plan that will enable you to “afford it”, especially if it’s really important to you. Doing this will help you put money into a more positive perspective, as a tool for fulfilling your needs and wants. Learn to Love Your Bills – Start to LOVE your bills. The bigger your business gets, the more expenses you will have. When you attach a negative value to bills, when you hate them but continue to acquire them as your earnings grow, you give them power over you; the power to cause stress and unhappiness in your life.  DO THIS: Put your bills into perspective and, if you really wish to have fewer bills, develop a plan to pay them down and rid yourself of the “hassle.” Ignoring Money Challenges – We have all been here at some point, where it feels easier to not look at the credit cards that cannot be paid, the bills that seem too high, but there are ways to create a plan and overcome money set-backs. When you ignore or refuse to understand money issues or leave it up to your partner perhaps, you give up your power to control your own income and build your wealth. Doing this leaves you at the mercy of your paycheck, which is highly stressful and leads you to hate your bills and to use money as a crutch.  DO THIS: Accept your role as an earner, and take responsibility for spending and budgeting, if you hope to regain control of your money, and your wealth. Money and wealth are only as valuable as you allow them to be; money is a tool and wealth is a measurement, not values in and of themselves. When kept in proper perspective, when you develop a positive wealth mindset, this tool and measurement will work for you, instead of against you.

I found the real truth of what was not allowing money to come freely into my life. I had to go back to the root of my blockage for my financial freedom. I believe this kind of visualizing is necessary to transport back to that time and find a solution to release your own unlimited power.

I know now that as I envision I lifted up the mattress and touched and removed the money, I released​ from under my bed the money that now has become energy for my happiness. It may not always come as the physical money but in people give to me and blessing me with things that line to what I desire.

I am now lucky and abundant daily from gifts and allowance.

Now I can truly be lined up with, "All the money I could possibly want pours into my life daily."  

What affirmation have you realized you aren't manifesting that you need to find out why?

Please leave a comment or reflection, your thoughts are important to me...

Edna J. White

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