Memories of Parenthood
It is really common for survivors of sexual abuse to remember or have flashbacks of the sexual abuse when they become parents.
When I became a new mother, I was prepared for a great deal, but nobody told me that breastfeeding my baby would trigger me. At times when I was nursing my baby, I felt like I was walking back into a war zone as a soldier with PTSD. I recognized that basic acts of parenting triggered me such as nurturing, bathing and kissing my children.
Sometimes I even wondered if I was intruding on their space or if I was going to turn out like my perpetrator. These were the consequences or not having therapy or a support system that could have helped me with these feelings. These feelings disconnected me from my children and the results are that my first four children are not close to me. The rapes that I suffered at the hands of my father has been by far worse than the rapes I endured when I was trafficked. My father betrayed my love and trust in him. The other men who raped me were strangers that I didn't hold any emotional attachment to them.
Incest is a very devastating and painful crime, but with therapy, reading and researching we can minimize the pain and get a better understanding of the after effects.
The Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE) study teaches us that exposure to trauma during critical times of development, encodes trauma in the brain, leaving a person to react when triggered. Many of the triggers can be breastfeeding, hugging, kissing your child or even bathing your child can give a survivor of child sexual abuse triggers. But you are not alone in this parenting journey. Learning and working with the after effects and our triggers is really important to be good parents.
We must learn to tap out from the triggers and stay connected in the present to be the best parents that we can possibly be. You're not alone anymore.
When I became a new mother, I was prepared for a great deal, but nobody told me that breastfeeding my baby would trigger me. At times when I was nursing my baby, I felt like I was walking back into a war zone as a soldier with PTSD. I recognized that basic acts of parenting triggered me such as nurturing, bathing and kissing my children.
Sometimes I even wondered if I was intruding on their space or if I was going to turn out like my perpetrator. These were the consequences or not having therapy or a support system that could have helped me with these feelings. These feelings disconnected me from my children and the results are that my first four children are not close to me. The rapes that I suffered at the hands of my father has been by far worse than the rapes I endured when I was trafficked. My father betrayed my love and trust in him. The other men who raped me were strangers that I didn't hold any emotional attachment to them.
Incest is a very devastating and painful crime, but with therapy, reading and researching we can minimize the pain and get a better understanding of the after effects.
The Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE) study teaches us that exposure to trauma during critical times of development, encodes trauma in the brain, leaving a person to react when triggered. Many of the triggers can be breastfeeding, hugging, kissing your child or even bathing your child can give a survivor of child sexual abuse triggers. But you are not alone in this parenting journey. Learning and working with the after effects and our triggers is really important to be good parents.
We must learn to tap out from the triggers and stay connected in the present to be the best parents that we can possibly be. You're not alone anymore.
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