I Feel Empty: An Inside Job

If you’re feeling empty, you’re not alone. Many of us feel empty in different ways. For instance, you might feel empty because something is missing in your life, This might be emptiness from a loved one moving or passing away.

You're stuck in a vicious cycle. You're down, depressed (not necessarily clinically). Because of that, you constantly feel unmotivated, tired, lethargic. You don't have the energy to get out there and try new things. Staying home doing nothing just makes your mood worse and worse.

You need to find a way to break the cycle. You have to recognize that if you don't make a very serious effort then things are just going to get worse. The good news is I think that you already realize this. You know that you have a problem. You're looking for help. The other key is that you have to know beyond a doubt that you (and you alone) have the power to make things better.

Or the emptiness might stem from slowly abandoning ourselves, not listening to our own hopes and desires. You might abandon yourself unintentionally or unknowingly because you’re striving for perfection or others’ approval. You might stop caring for yourself while focusing on your career. For instance, you might stop moving your body or getting enough sleep. Abandoning ourselves can spark anxiety, depression, guilt, and shame. 

If you find yourself turning to food, alcohol, or drugs for comfort, you are avoiding the real issue.  None of these quick comforts can bring meaning to your life. The same is true of mindless pursuits. Spending your time on long bouts of television watching, internet surfing, social media perusing, or wasting money is likely to increase your inner feeling of dissatisfaction with your life. You certainly don't need to be productive every second of your day, but a better plan is to start thinking about what is important to you and how you can take action on that.

There is only one thing that truly fills the emptiness. Love. There is only one cause of inner emptiness: a lack of love.

Inner emptiness comes from a lack of connection with your spiritual source of love — from not opening to the love-that-is-God and bringing that love to yourself through true thought and loving action in your own behalf.

When you abandon yourself by judging yourself, ignoring your feelings by staying in your head, numbing your feelings through substance and process addictions and making others responsible for your feelings and for loving you, you will feel empty. You are causing your own emptiness by your self-abandonment.

Your ego-wounded self is filled with false beliefs regarding who you are. Your wounded self may see you as inadequate, unlovable, not good enough, not important, selfish, bad, wrong. Your wounded self-operates from core shame — that you are intrinsically flawed.

These are programmed beliefs that have no basis in truth, but they may be running your life. When you believe that you are not good enough, then you turn to others and to addictions to try to feel okay — to fill the emptiness that you are causing with your self-judgment/self-abandonment.

This occurs when you shift your attention — from protecting against pain and avoiding responsibility for your feelings through your addictive and controlling behaviors — to learning, with your higher guidance, about what is loving to yourself and others.

 feeling numb or alone. They mention that work is unsatisfying, they feel unsuccessful, their relationships are unfulfilling or nothing is exciting.

Many of who struggle with depression report feeling empty (instead of sad). “This kind of empty feeling comes with not caring about much, not being interested in things, not feeling fueled by anything in particular.”

If you’re feeling empty, seeing a therapist can help. In particular, it’s important to get screened for depression. How you handle your emptiness depends on what’s causing it. Here are several suggestions from.

1. Gently acknowledge the emptiness.

If you’re experiencing an emptiness that’s more like a gaping hole, acknowledge it, and be gentle with yourself. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling this way. Don’t try to dismiss or change your feelings.

There two forms of emptiness

1. the hole forms because you missed out on love while you were growing up

2.  the emptiness is because you miss a loved one This doesn’t mean you didn’t have a loving family. There are just certain kinds of love or caring that can be missed, and then feel somewhat impossible to catch up on.

Speak to yourself with compassion. Don't give up on yourself. You are the only one who can create meaning for yourself. No one else can give it to you.

2. Spend time with yourself every day.

Fight the urge to turn to the outside world for fulfillment, instead of trying to fill the void with drugs, alcohol, TV, computer games or anything else, look within and spend time with yourself.

Carving out time to explore your own desires, fears, hopes, and dreams. This helps you create “more meaning in your daily life and your future.”

Because different activities work for different people, you might find that meditation, writing or exercise helps you refocus on yourself.

Listen, it may feel uncomfortable at first, but the more you practice devoting time and energy to yourself and caring for yourself, the less present those empty feelings will be.

3. Explore your current feelings.

Here's an exercise that I learned through therapy: set a timer for five minutes and notice what you’re feeling right now. It doesn’t have to be earth-shattering. You might write “bored” or “distracted” or “curious,” it's alright, just write until the true feeling comes.

4. Explore your feelings of emptiness.

I have learned that asking yourself the important questions tend to bring out the feelings that you so dreaded feeling. I know for myself, processing sadness was difficult because I had experience so much of it as a child, I had made an agreement at age 12 years old that "I won't ever feel sad again!"  I was mad at "fun" for not staying around.  We can do this while journaling, taking a walk or drinking a cup of coffee or tea.

• Have I been judging myself or comparing myself to others?
• Do I tell myself positive things?
• Or do I tend to notice failures or call myself ugly or stupid?
• Are my feelings being considered in my relationships, or am I minimizing what I am feeling?
• Am I actively tending to my physical and health needs?
• Have I turned toward behaviors or addictions to avoid my feelings?
• Am I focusing solely on the needs of another person or people?
• What am I trying to prove or win?
• Am I blaming myself or feeling guilty about things that are out of my control?
• Am I showing myself compassion like I would with a close friend or family member?
• Am I asserting myself in my decisions and respecting my personal opinions?

5. Commend yourself.

As kids, some of us used our lack of feelings to protect ourselves from being overwhelmed. In that case, give yourself credit for coming up with a solution that worked when you were small and powerless.

Today, take your time letting in your feelings. You have some catching up to do. And you don’t need to rush to override your old way of survival.

Feelings of emptiness can lead to distressing thoughts, such as life is not worth living,” or “there is no hope. Again, therapy can help. It can help you explore the underlying causes of your feelings and empower you to make your own decisions about how to implement positive changes.

It’s important to acknowledge and accept your feelings of emptiness. It’s important to be self-compassionate. “Whether you are experiencing difficult relationships, losses or feeling a lack of purpose or meaning, you are worthy of living a fulfilling and meaningful life.