Spiritual Abuse is Real—and You’re Not Crazy!

This topic of spiritual abuse has echoed in my heart and mind for years, and lately, I've seen a rise in conversations on it through emails and social media. So many people share stories that sound familiar to my own, and I felt it was time to address it openly once again. Spiritual abuse is real, and if you’ve experienced it, know that you’re not alone.

I lived under the heavy weight of spiritual abuse for 26 years. It scarred me and left me skeptical of churches or ministries that use intimidation and manipulation as tools of control. In my experience, spiritual abuse can involve a variety of tactics meant to silence, control, or manipulate followers. Here are just a few examples that I’ve personally encountered:

  • Pressure to Stay Despite Burnout: A minister once told me that even though I was physically and emotionally burned out, leaving the ministry would mean losing all of my God-given gifts.
  • Exclusive Teachings: A church I was involved in claimed that it alone had the “true” way to Jesus, suggesting that leaving would cut us off from God’s highest plan.
  • Misused Financial Resources: Leaders misled donors, using ministry as a vehicle for personal gain.
  • Culture of Fear and Shame: In another ministry, leaders shamed members for enjoying "worldly" music—even harmless favorites like Earth, Wind & Fire.
  • Threatening Leadership: I was cornered and berated simply for raising concerns that others also saw, leading to severe anxiety and panic attacks.

For those who might be questioning their own experiences, I’ve put together a list of 10 Traits of Spiritually Abusive Ministries that can help you identify whether you’re in a similar situation. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward breaking free from an unhealthy environment.

Six Steps to Coping with Spiritual Abuse

If you’re dealing with spiritual abuse, here are six practical ways to find your path forward:

  1. Commit Seriously, but Wisely: Reflect on your commitment to the church or ministry and evaluate it with wisdom and discernment.
  2. Consider Confrontation: If you feel led, prayerfully consider raising concerns as outlined in Matthew 18, keeping humility at the center.
  3. Avoid Gossip: Confront issues respectfully without spreading them as gossip, but report illegal actions to the proper authorities.
  4. Take a Break if Needed: Sometimes, stepping away is essential to gain perspective and start healing.
  5. Honor the Body of Christ: Pray for the health of the church while protecting yourself from further harm.
  6. Know When to Walk Away: After all other steps, if the situation remains abusive, leaving might be the healthiest choice.

Spiritual abuse is often rooted in a culture of celebrity worship within the church, where leaders gain a following that elevates them above accountability. It’s essential to remember that Jesus’ way is not about celebrity or fame; He calls us to humility, service, and genuine love for one another.

A Personal Note and My Book

As an author and speaker, I’ve seen firsthand how unhealthy dynamics can infiltrate ministry. My book, No Period. The Guide to Ending Your People Pleasing, dives deeper into these themes, focusing on breaking free from people-pleasing behaviors that can keep us trapped in spiritually abusive situations.

If any of this resonates with you, I encourage you to explore this resource. Together, let’s start a dialogue about these issues. Ignoring them only adds to the hurt and confusion, but by shining a light, we can begin to heal.

Stay tuned for my next post on "Why Christianity is Not a Religion Any Black or Brown Person Should Consider," as I continue to address these deeply-rooted issues that affect us all.

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